An Ode to Billy Mays

I generally don't morn the death of celebrities or those who are relatively famous, but the death of Billy Mays hit me rather hard. Not so much in a literal way, but more along the lines of "Man, that sucks...who's gonna do all the great infomercials now?" You see, i had a lot of respect for Billy Mays. He took something that wasn't cool (starring in an infomercial) and made it cool (starring in an infomercial). And for that, you gotta give the man props. To me, he was somewhat of a pioneer and an inspiration. Don't tell me that you've never had the thought "I wonder if i would look as cool as Billy Mays if i sold Oxi-Clean..." That thought has entered the minds of even the best of us, and rightfully so. He was the first man to really make it in the infomercial world. He actually became somewhat of a celebrity by the eccentric and passionate ways he so lovingly sold his personally endorsed products. He made a job out of it, something not many have been able to do. The Sham Wow guy was doing pretty good, but he couldn't handle the pressure and we all know what happened to him*.

In all respect to Billy Mays, i would like to show my gratitude for all he has done for me by dedicating this haiku to him, which i wrote especially for this occasion:

My hero Bill Mays,

May Kaboom remove your stains,

Your voice is thunder.

I realize that this post may be a little late, seeing how he actually died a couple weeks ago, but i think it is only proper to give the deceased the time necessary to let their legends grow. I also struggled with the moral issue of making fun of a dead person. You see, in my neverending quest to create a decent stand-up comedy routine, i have recently been working on a bit centered around Billy Mays. But as you can see, the universe could not let it's best Oxi-Clean salesman have his name soiled by those trying to make a few people laugh, so it took him away from us all. He is now untouchable and will forever be remembered in the halls of infomercial lore. Rest peacefully Billy Mays. You've given us all you have to give, and we gratefully accept.

* If you don't know what happened to Vince Shlomi, check out this link and you'll see he couldn't handle the success of being a pitchman. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/27/vince-shlomi-shamwow-pitc_n_180210.html)